This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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