I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the vacuum is drunk
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.