I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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