yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.