I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.