I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.