that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
