Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
