There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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