One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
