would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
