I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
