you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize