every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
