Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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