i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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