What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
