Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
