Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
