why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
