Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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