So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
