There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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