I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
