I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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