So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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