weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
