If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
