Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
