i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
