...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
