I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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