when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
