I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
