it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
