he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
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We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
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Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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