I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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