I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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