I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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