I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
