dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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