I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
