She announced her abortion via fbk
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
