respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
