my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
