Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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