Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
