yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
