i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
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So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
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Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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