I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
