forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
