Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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