smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
