Non-Jews are for practice
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Mom said you looked used
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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