I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
