why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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