eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
