Betty ford says i'm here all night
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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