I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
