i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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