who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Pooping to opera.
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