Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
