the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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