i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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