I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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