"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
