i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
